Confession #1- I am very far from my goal of total health and wellness, please add me to the list of hundreds of thousands of other women who are in the same boat (sigh).

Confession #2- Body image is my least favorite thing to write about. I despise it so much that I have only ever written about it once and in that essay, I was able to steer mostly clear of my own opinion of my body.

I am prepared to just be honest about it. I am in this weird grey area of feeling unhappy with certain features of my body but, overall, the drive to love myself in my own skin and appreciate all my body does for me keeps me from speaking negatively about myself. Unless you are my boyfriend or my best friend, then you’d hear it all.

I feel this way because I hear and read so much body negativity from women about themselves. Conversations with the women in my life and within the honest articles I read are consumed with comments about poor body image. Maybe I hate how much I can relate to these comments and articles.

First off, I am extremely healthy. If you know me personally, you are probably annoyed by the ultra-healthy way I order a cheeseburger at a restaurant. “No bun please, no cheese also, can you wrap it in lettuce?” “Does that sauce have any dairy in it? Can I get broccoli instead of fries? Can you make sure there isn’t butter on the broccoli?” I am that customer.

I also workout often, between 3-4 times a week at 5am. I walk my dogs most evenings, I love learning about nutrition, I love buying fresh, local fruits and veggies, I love to cook healthy and I genuinely prefer a salad over fried chicken, much to my boyfriend’s horror.

Yet, I have always been slightly overweight. Not enough for the doctor to say something or for my pant size to increase over the years but enough for me to honestly feel uncomfortable most days.

This uncomfortable feeling has driven me to spend thousands over the years on personal trainers, nutritionists and gym memberships. I have cried countless tears of frustration and sincerely attempted to push myself to see past 10 extra pounds to the land of unconditional love for my body.

Long story short, nothing helps. I am one of those women who work out like crazy and eat well only to maintain weight, rarely shedding even one or two pounds. Some days I am sad over this, others I embrace a little extra curve and then some days I say what the hell and have tacos and wine.

Lately though, I have been having more bad days than good when it comes to my body image.  I am at the point where something has to change. I need to stop focusing on the negative and I need to be stronger, mentally and physically.

My goals aren’t to be a size zero or not have a roll when I bend over to put my shoes on. My goal is simple, I just want to feel good in my skin.

So, I am focusing on having fun and feeling great. I am not one for workout videos or beach bod programs but I decided to join my best friend and try one this spring, which is what I wrote this article to tell you.

I am following along with the Tone It Up girls, Karena and Katrina on their 8-week bikini program and it started Monday. I have always been skeptical of programs like this, feeling as though they are ineffective and expensive. I want to bring you along through this experience, because you might be like me, always curious to if these programs work and how realistic they are.

Here is the quick and dirty of the program so far-

I spent $192 for the program. This got me a little gift bag of random things (Shana is particularly excited about this part of the deal haha), hundreds and hundreds of pages of recipes, workouts, workout videos, tips, tricks and an 8-week specific meal plan and workout plan.

Meal prep was supposed to be done Sunday but I was very sick and unable to go shopping or cook so I started a day behind. I cooked a lot on Monday (I had a mental health holiday) and it was exhausting as hell. Egg white muffins, protein pancakes, quinoa up the ass, $150 bucks on veggies and fruits (did you know pine nuts are like 5 bucks a handful!?) and three grocery stores later, I was falling out.

But I did it, Tuesday night Shana helped chop everything in our fridge and we have been up at 5am working out. It has only been a few days of all this so I am going to check back in with you next week but so far, I am actually having fun. Mainly because Shana and I are in it together, I am not going to hate myself if it doesn’t drastically change me and I am comforted by my simple goal of feeling good in my skin.

So follow along with me! 8 full weeks of working out in some way every single day and eating food that is good for your mind and body.  Are you doing the program too? Tell me everything, keep me honest and help me stay sane with only 1-2 glasses of wine twice a week!